You feel it in your gut, somehow the universe has shifted and things are not quite adding up. You start to get suspicious, concerned, anxious and suddenly that most dreaded question pops into your mind – “Is my boyfriend cheating on Me?”. The mere suggestion of infidelity could drive you crazy with worry so its best to take a step back look at the facts and assess whether there really is trouble in paradise or you’re just leaping to hasty conclusions.
We’ve identified 21 red flags to watch out for, so read ahead and find out whether or not it’s time to kick that cheating boyfriend to the curb.
#1: He changes all his passwords.
So, you do a bit of sneaky sleuthing only to find he’s changed his phone, laptop and tablet passwords – he hasn’t been hacked lately and uses the one lazy password – his birthday – for everything! This behavior is definitely a sign of secret keeping.
#2: He stops taking calls.
Normally your boyfriend answers his phone, whether its telemarketers calling or his mother. Now he insists on letting it ring and even switches it off. Check for unanswered numbers and ring them yourself!
#3: Unconvincing body language.
70% off language is non-verbal. Does he blink, glance away or shuffle uncomfortably when trying to explain his whereabouts. He might be organising a special surprize birthday party for you but he could also be about to break your heart.
#4: His back story is faulty.
The whole story sounded plausible at the time – fixing a flat tyre for a hapless motorist on the way home – on the surface your boyfriend’s a good Samaritan! But if, on closer reflection, you notice his hands look clean as a whistle and you remember he couldn’t change your own flat tyre then things might not be what they seem.
#5: He suddenly can’t let people down.
One minute your boyfriend will do anything to avoid visiting his doddering old Uncle Bill at the local retirement village and the next thing Bill becomes a regular priority. A change of heart perhaps? Or is it someone else’s home he’s really visiting?
#6: He’s different in bed.
Everyone’s got a different bag of tricks when it comes to bedroom activities. When a partner starts developing new skills or demanding new activities it may be a sign that they’re taking lessons in love elsewhere.
#7: He’s late all the time with no reasonable excuse.
Be suspicious when someone goes from being punctual and/or ringing ahead when delayed to constantly tardy, with half arsed excuses. When they say they’re going to be there in five minutes but it takes three hours questions need to be asked.
#8: He’s always tired or sick and not up for it!
It’s a myth that women are the only ones who use headaches as excuses to avoid sex. It’s also true the libido can be affected by things such as stress and anxiety as well as getting ones’ rocks off elsewhere. Whatever the cause a boyfriend whose sex drive suddenly goes from 1000 to zero needs to be further investigated.
#9: He becomes a workaholic.
Always staying back late a t the office? – Says he’s doing it to get a promotion that never seems to eventuate. If this is totally out of character and he keeps mentioning a new co-worker called Tiffany who’s also staying back there’s definitely cause for concern.
#10: He starts dressing nicely.
Unfortunately, for many men – the only time they really take care of their appearance, is in the early stages of attraction. When a guy goes from bum-out-of-the-back track pants and 5-day old beard growth to Diesel bootcut jeans and manscaping overnight they’re out to be noticed by someone.
#11: His friends sound unconvincing.
Some dirty two timers word up their buddies – “If she asks I’ve told her we went fishing together, OK?”. Its easy to fact check storylines – ask their buddy for details – what sort of fish, how many and who’s boat? If the two stories don’t match up then, Huston, you’ve got a problem.
#12: He over-explains things.
Some people – usually the OCD types create lies with elaborate details and even manufacture proof i.e. fake check-ins on face book. If your boyfriend says he’s been volunteering in a soup kitchen some nights and he can name every last ingredient in the soup plus the plus the cab driver who took him there he still may be a giving soul – just not to the homeless!
#13: There’s a new girl he really dislikes.
There’s a fine line between love and hate and what they do have in common is passion. If the man in your life keeps telling you how much a certain girls drives him nuts – beware – he may be trying to throw you off the track or in denial about a growing attraction.
#14: He goes dead on social media.
This is worrying – especially if he was mad for social media beforehand. If there’s no posts about where he says he’s been or his account is suddenly closed it may mean he’s afraid of incriminating evidence.
#15: He becomes overly critical.
He wants to change the way your dress, your hair and even your opinions. He asks questions like, “So why aren’t you very good at cooking?” and “Have you ever though of joining a gym?”. Sounds a bit like he’s comparing you to someone else – check if there’s not a new Miss Perfect lurking in the background.
#16: He takes up new interests.
Your boyfriend has a growing attraction – he discovers the source of that attraction plays tennis on the weekends and suddenly you’re a tennis widow. Amp up the concern if he refuses to introduce you to his new sporting friends.
#17: He smells different.
Many women say they can smell another woman on their man and there’s some truth to this statement. If your boyfriends’ scent suddenly changes maybe your smelling the sex pheromones of another woman on his body.
#18: He gaslights.
Cheaters love this dark art where the aim is to make you think your memorys’ gone haywire. If your gut instinct believes somethings up but every time questions are asked the replies start with “Don’t you remember…….”, and “That’s not how it happened…” best to get out quick – Gas lighters are one of mental healths’ worst enemies.
#19: You’re getting flowers for no apparent reason.
Unexpected romantic gestures – flowers, chocolates, shiny baubles can be a sure-fire sign of guilt. Cheating may not be the reason but its best to discover what’s prickling his conscious before things get out of hand.
#20: There’s a name he avoids.
So your boyfriends gone on a couple of camping trips and spent few nights bowling with his buddies and you find out that his best mates’ cute sister, recently back from overseas, was in attendance – every time. Why not mention this detail? Why weren’t you invited if these weren’t “boys only” occasions? Its time to sit him down for a frank discussion!
#21: You find him in bed with a strange woman – who isn’t you.
Totally a sign of cheating!