If you’re finding yourself questioning what the point of your relationship is in the first place and can’t remember the last time you experienced joy or pleasure from being with your partner… then chances are you could be in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships inflict long term damage with survivors finding it difficult to trust and accept healthy relationships. Sometimes self-confidence and self-worth are so critically injured that people repeat behaviors and form new and just as toxic relationships – it’s almost a case of “Better the devil you know”. The longer you stay, the longer it takes to recover so it’s important to be able to identify the symptoms and look out for the signs of a bad relationship before the s#*t completely hits the fan.
These 21 signs that you are in a toxic and unhealthy relationship will give you a clear idea of what to look out for.
#1. Your partner just straight up doesn’t listen to you or care about what you have to say.
If you are constantly noticing that half-way during telling a story or asking a question your partner loses interest and just “tunes out” it could be a sign that something is up. Everyone has days where they are tired and forget a thing or two, sure, but a total lack of interest equals lack of respect. When communication is given but not received it means you don’t matter enough to be heard. Its definite sign that your partner has ‘mentally’ checked out of the relationship and might be time to call it quits.
#2. Your partner can never just accept you for who are and constantly insists on trying to change or “fix” you.
A good relationship is all about accepting each other for who they are – including the flaws. If your partner seems hell bent on taking every opportunity to try to change the way you think and behave then they’re obviously attempting to turn you into someone else. It won’t work and always results in layers of resentment as you desperately try to imitate their idea of perfection
“I don’t want to change you – just want to make you better!”
#3. You feel like the relationship is constant work and something of a “chore”.
Yes relationships are hard work but how much you put in should be equal to how much you get out. Both parties need to respect the effort and compromise that is required to grow and evolve together. If it feels like you’re the one trying to build a strong foundation whilst your partner refuses to co-operate or collaborate then that’s a surefire sign of a toxic relationship. Stop picking up the slack and get rid of the slacker!
#4. You have absolutely nothing in common.
Sure, it’s true that to some degree, opposites do attract… but People who enjoy being together tend to create common interests and memories. Too often couples fall into lust and mistake it for love only to find themselves down the track in a really bad and draining relationship with absolutely Zero in common It’s a big-ticket relationship destroyer – compare your values, interests and ambitions – are there clashes that should have been considered deal breakers? Did you get so caught up in lust that you forgot to check for commonalities?
#5. They’re passive aggressive as hell.
The very worst and most toxic of relationships are usually full to the brim of awful and dirty passive aggressiveness that just makes the receiver feel like absolute s#*t most of the time. Does your partner withdraw emotionally? Are they keen on using loaded phrases such as “I was only joking”, “I’m not mad” and “I didn’t know you meant now!” If one or both people in a relationship is never saying what they mean or feels it shows that trust has been subverted and the toxicity levels will eventually be off the charts.
#6. They’re ultra-possessive with a fierce jealous streak.
Do you always seem to find your partner getting super up-tight and possessive over incidents where you feel like you are basically doing something very average and normal? Are they always nagging you about who such-and-such was that you were talking to last Friday or that last text you got on your phone?
Fierce possessiveness and unreasonable jealousy equals control and can become freaky in a stalker like way. A little bit of jealousy is normal but too much can literally ruin an entire relationship.
“Jealousy is a disease – Get well soon!”
#7. Constantly criticism that isn’t healthy or constructive or useful in any way.
Sometimes when people have a seriously spiteful streak they constantly try to offer “criticism” and dress it up like it’s some kind of helpful advice. Don’t fall for the trap of allowing someone to badmouth your every action and diminish your confidence – if this is a common behavior it’s better to just walk from the relationship altogether.
“It’s not you, it’s me finally realizing you’re terrible for me.”
#8. Breaking into fights over literally nothing.
Are you breaking out into fights over trivial things that have no meaningful relation to your actual lives? Do you find yourself getting into full-blown arguments about which TV stations to watch or what color a particular shirt was? If so, yep, that’s a sign of a toxic relationship – you’re either bored to hell or plain sick of the sight of each other. Get out before this gets nasty!
#9. You feel like you can’t be yourself.
If you feel like you are being suffocated by the personality of your partner, if being around them totally stresses you out, if you feel invisible and worthless then it’s well and truly time to get out because you’re in a toxic relationship!
#10. Your love is one sided and never returned.
Unrequited love in what should be a two-way relationship can inflict terminal wounds. If you feel like you’re constantly begging for relationship crumbs and can’t remember the last time your partner spontaneously held hands or volunteered a back rub then things are pretty dead in the water. You wont flourish if there’s no affection coming back at you.
#11. They resent your happiness and success.
Nothing good can come of a relationship where one person’s thinks their partner should mirror their own misery and actively blocks every avenue for success. This behavior is selfish and extremely immature – it destroys dreams and creates relationship hell!
#12. Avoiding one another.
The relationship is on a downward trajectory when one of you, or both of you, find yourselves constantly trying to avoid the other. Are you volunteering to stay back at work – for free? Have you joined a book club for every night of the week? Do you feel physically sick with the prospect of spending time alone – together! If so its time to wake up and smell the roses because YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!
“Of course, I’m not taking my partner to Hawaii – I want to enjoy myself!”
#13. You’ve been hoping it would get better – for sooo long.
New year’s eves come and go and every December 31st you resolve that this year things will get better – and of course nothing changes because there’s no magic wand to fix a toxic relationship. Every bad relationship needs a timeframe – a deadline other wise it just limps on, semi-paralyzed, forever. Stop wasting time when there might be someone out there who doesn’t suck the lifeblood out of you! Resolve to break up because if it is toxic there’s zero chance of fixing it..
#14. You stop doing the things you enjoy.
Whether its because of constant criticism or controlling behavior, you wake up one day to discover that everything that once made you happy is gone: The comic book collection, DJ – ing at weddings, “Game of Thrones” binging. There’s nothing that actually defines you and a toxic relationship has turned you into a pathetically dull little martyr – time to give someone the heave-ho and reclaim your life.
#15. Your jealous and suspicious of other couples.
Couple happiness confuses you and there’s an underlying belief that maybe its all for show. How can they be so affectionate to each other, so supportive, so besotted? This kind of thinking means you’ve lost touch with the healthy side of a relationship and desperately need rewiring in order to achieve a chance of happiness.
#16. Tense energy when you’re around them.
There’s a constant black cloud that constantly hangs over the relationship which results in physical symptoms – headaches, clenched jaws, stomachaches. Negative energy means you’re always in fight or flight mode – get rid of the toxicity and regain your health!
“Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a brighter day.”
#17. You find yourself reminiscing about the beginnings of the relationship rather than looking forward to the future.
Longing for a time when you talked all night couldn’t get enough of each other’s bodies is not going to reinject the lust or wide-eyed interest of new love. Everyone is on their best behavior in the early days – and you’re probably remembering much of it through rose colored glasses. If looking into the future fills you with dread and feels like death by a thousand cuts then it’s a sure sign that the relationship is toxic
“It’s over when your more in love with your memories than the person standing in front of you.”
#18. Your continually making excuses for them.
“He was abandoned as a child and still feels the same sense of loss when I go out without him” – No he doesn’t! He’s just trying to emotionally control you! Think about the reasons you give people for not going out and “having a life” and consider the possibility of toxic emotional blackmail
#19. Loss of self-confidence.
Another very common and very horrible symptom of a sick relationship is a feeling that one has lost much of the confidence and self-esteem that they once had. Really toxic lovers have a way of slowly but surely chipping away at your self-confidence over time, day by day, until eventually you’re just a shell of what you once were.
If you sense this in your partner … then perhaps it’s time to run the other way FAST!
#20. You feel a total loss of standards.
If you went into the relationship with very high standards for a partner and now feel like that has all gone out the window and that you’re only criteria is to ‘get by’… then chances are you are in one seriously toxic relationship.
#21: They put you down in public and to friends and family.
If they act more like an enemy than a friend in public and continue to subtly or overtly criticize your intelligent, appearance, career etc, this is not healthy or cool. Pack your bags, head for the nearest tropical resort and slowly learn to love yourself. After awhile you’ll be ready for a real, meaningful and totally loving relationship.
“A good relationship is worth the wait.”